Tuesday, 23 July 2013

"I'll be your teardrop"

Wrote this a few days before...

"If I can be anything in the world. I'll be your teardrop. Born in your eyes, live on your cheeks, die on your lips."

I've been crying alot lately and getting really emotional and I don't know why. I can't seem to put a finger on the exact cause of it. I know crying isn't the solution to anything at all but the way I cry I find myself feeling a kind of faint relief. It kinda actually scares myself that I've been crying so bitterly. It's not like weeping or a few drops of tears. I could feel this deep crave and hunger for crying inside everytime I cry. I cried the same needy way when my grandpa passed away 7 years ago. The wound is still fresh and raw though.
Just earlier on today, when I look at nigger T moved away from his food when he has always been waiting eagerly for his food for years, I felt a pang of sadness hit me. It has been 8 years since I first took him home and seeing how age is catching up with him, I'm so afraid that he will leave me one day. I can never be ready to let go of a being so close to me. I even made plans to bring him along to my new house when I get married eventually one day. I've always seen him being a part of my life in future. I see him meeting my husband, sniffing my new born child, accompanying us down on walks together with fat pie K. I've always seen him and fat pie K in the family photo that I'll have my husband and kids take altogether. But looking at how he walks away from his food nowadays, I could feel the shatters from within me and today I almost broke down in tears.
I guess it was because of the fragility that I got from this morning. I was at a friend's party and I cried twice. Who the fuck cries at a party?! and it was a 21st birthday party......kill me now. The first time I cried it wasn't that bad but I didn't know why exactly I cried. When Alex held me and asked me why I really didn't even know why. The tears just came overflowing in my eyes. Later at the party, I cried again. Dafug is wrong with me...I know like I shouldn't be such a over emotional bitch but...omg yes I did what I did. Good thing was everyone else was drunk or asleep so only a few saw. I find it so hard to keep my emotions in check lately. 

1 comment:

  1. that's just your soul detoxin'. an emotional spring cleanin'. your subconscious takin' a dump. gettin' rid of everythin' that's holdin' you back in ways you can't even fathom.

    be glad you still cry. that just means you're livin' and not merely existin'.