Hello Boy

Dearest love,

...............

It's really hard to start this blog post cos everytime I want to write something for you, I come to this space and my mind goes blank. All the thoughts and words that were overwhelming my head in the bathroom just decided to cancel themselves out whenever I turn to this space and I always give myself that same old bullshit phrase when I get mentally locked out of my own thoughts because to revisit them would mean taking another emotional ride be it good or bad. 

Anw, I got down to writing this post for you not because of that phonecall we had. I honestly was already in the midst of drafting this when you called and when I told you I was busy with the photos, it was our photos...

I know this post would mean alot to you because as a blogger, I've been getting of advertorial assignments and there's so much on my blog but so little of you here. So hopefully with this, it would lit a smile on your charming little face.

This post...gonna be all about you and you and you and alittle of me. Ok maybe alittle on us.

I told you many times before but maybe you don't keep in mind the little things I do when I miss you. Like how I would go back to our photos which comes in all different sets and chuckle alittle to myself when I see how happy we were in those photos.

Like how I would rewatch our videos over and over and over and over again and still laugh at the same exact spots from the first time I watch it. Like how I would dig through my stuff and unexpectedly find things that would gently remind me of the past we had.

Like how I would go through our facebook conversation because that's where we started.

I don't know what I like about you if anyone ask me this. I just do. Maybe I like the way you never fail to make me laugh. Maybe it's the way you're so protective of me, sometimes just way too overprotective but I can deal with that just fine. Maybe it's the way you have that cheeky grin on your structured face. Or maybe it's the way you kiss me. Or could it be the way you hold me, the times when you hold me like it was your last chance to, I really like that. Maybe it's your eyes that speak so much to mine. Maybe it's how I'm so used to your sweaty palms, so much so I won't trade it for any other pair of hands to hold. Maybe it's the way your hands are shaped to fit into mine. Sidetrack, remember how I told you that I determine how comfortable I am with a boy? nothing complicated, it's just the way you make me feel when you first hold my hands. First tell tale sign that I always look out for. I think maybe I like you for the security you give me. But at times, you make me real jealous I can't even....I get so infuriated but I recover when I think of how I know I'll always have you wholeheartedly in 10s after I whine. I know I know, I like how you are so honest with me, so brutally honest sometimes I can cry but don't stop that harsh honesty. I cry, but I'll be ok after. I really like when you put your hands around my shoulders, y'knw it makes me feel extra protected. Maybe it's how you'll stand up to other boys who come fool around with me, makes me feel like you're my knight fending all the other nonsensical goblins off. It could be the way I get so comfortable with you like I allow you to take a photo for me, I used to feel so awkward and shy even as a blogshop model, it's just weird for me but you make that all go away. Maybe it is also how you're always almost there for me whenever I need you. Maybe it's the way you fart so ever loud. Maybe it's how you always try your best to tolerate me to the bestest control. Maybe I just like how you'll see me home no matter how upset and angry I make you. Maybe it's how you'll always be the one calling after a fight because you can't stand not talking. Maybe it's how I feel whenever you hold me in your arms. Maybe...just maybe.

or maybe I just love you and I appreciate everything you've done.

I don't know how often you actually really think of me when you're busy, but I hope you do more than often because I do keep you at the back of my head like 80% of the time I'm working. Like 20% is really for me to think of the other commitments I have like the dogs, clearing their mess, feeding them blah blah...

You have been the most unexpected partner I've ever had because I really didn't see myself being in a relationship with anyone from the time we got together, much less someone my age. I've always hated that you know that right cos I think boys around my age are like monkeys?? k maybe not monkeys, since monkeys are intelligent animals. Can't find another animal but you get the drift. I don't know why I allowed myself to fall for you, I must be bongz that time but I'm happy I did.

I know I've been extraordinarily caught up with shoots, ads and now casting. I understand how hard it is for you as a partner and I obviously feel extremely bad but I'm a workaholic. Please know that I'm berry sorry for my insanely packed schedule. I don't think I'm the smoothest sailing partner and I'm definitely not easy to be with like with my very fast paced lifestyle but get that I love you really genuinely and in huge quantities. ok?

Writing this post wasn't exactly the smartest and swiftest thing to do now at 2.40am because halfway writing that I felt like crying so badly but held it back to finish this.

So anw, remember we took some photos for one of the ads?

I sifted some playful, not so ad-worthy-but-laugh-worthy shots out

I don't know why but you keep showing your big fat ass!!!!!!!!! I'll have it chop off if you show it off again!!

copycat decided to follow all my poses

then I finally realised he was copying me so I laughed, he decided to laugh too!!

and I accidentally stepped on his toes.... hahaha forever a klutz

and just something more humanely normal

decided to go bongz again!!

don't know wtf I was doing... hahaha

my smackxy boy

don't know wtf he was doing...

hahahaha, I win~

and yay a kiss!!

I had so much fun myself looking through all these photos and I just want you to know, you make me the happiest. Like, crazy happy. Even when I don't show it, I am... yes?

x